tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456437391827943059.post2839405377420417333..comments2023-08-03T05:03:37.342-06:00Comments on Frankly Creative: Catch Me If You Can BlogfestCarolyn Twede Frankhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07262989638447923695noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456437391827943059.post-20393097545556130072011-03-10T21:53:47.553-07:002011-03-10T21:53:47.553-07:00I liked it Carolyn!I liked it Carolyn!ali crosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13023009704454279645noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456437391827943059.post-55250809644736805322011-03-08T23:14:49.513-07:002011-03-08T23:14:49.513-07:00I have to agree with Heidi. I really liked this ex...I have to agree with Heidi. I really liked this excerpt. Pete seems like a fun character that I could really root for through the story. I can get passed a slow beginning if the characters draw me in, which is exactly what Pete did.<br /><br />But this is MG and I'm not sure a lot of younger readers feel the same way. You may want to kick up the tension just a notch or so. Or maybe sprinkle in more of that humor we see in the back-and-fourth between Pete and his sister to keep their attention until everything kicks off.<br /><br />I'd keep reading either way. Pete seems like a great character and I love a nerdy MC. Great work!<br /><br />Thanks for sharing :)Kristina Fugatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18204372165725432422noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456437391827943059.post-38460212734958228522011-03-08T12:39:57.814-07:002011-03-08T12:39:57.814-07:00Very nice. Gotta love a tree loving nerd, umm, I m...Very nice. Gotta love a tree loving nerd, umm, I mean smart kid. <br /><br />Sounds very much like a middle grade book, so you're doing great. Maybe tighten it up a little bit and get us the action a little quicker, but otherwise I really enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing :)Angela Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12488555961691093024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456437391827943059.post-84610916226513866782011-03-08T10:30:36.523-07:002011-03-08T10:30:36.523-07:00I disagree with some of the commenters--I was caug...I disagree with some of the commenters--I was caught right away by this. I was pulled in my Pete--found him interesting. I like the way that he looks at himself differently than his sister does, and you did that very well with her use of the terms geek and nerd. <br /><br />The excerpt felt effortless. The writing flowed easily, the dialogue felt natural, and it didn't feel like you were forcing me into the story. <br /><br />I suggest looking at each character's individual dialogue. Both sister and brother have very similar ways of speaking, with the same diction, sentence structure, syntax, etc. Perhaps this is because they are siblings, but some variation would be nice. <br /><br />I would certainly read on!Heidi Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15056627400336997554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456437391827943059.post-65267544816637499362011-03-08T09:36:33.787-07:002011-03-08T09:36:33.787-07:00I like this and would like to know what they have ...I like this and would like to know what they have found. <br />Thanks for sharing.<br />HMGHeather M. Gardnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07232419331422866247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456437391827943059.post-59687389509717699672011-03-08T08:48:53.646-07:002011-03-08T08:48:53.646-07:00This sounds like a fun middle grade piece. I like ...This sounds like a fun middle grade piece. I like that's its narrated by a Master Geek. :-) <br /><br />I love trees too, though I'm not really into MG books. Other than that, I liked this excerpt.<br /><br />Thanks for sharing, Natasha HanovaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456437391827943059.post-18527405427543972402011-03-08T03:59:55.972-07:002011-03-08T03:59:55.972-07:00I love the sister. Miss Priss to a 'T.' :)...I love the sister. Miss Priss to a 'T.' :)<br /><br />This is cute, but where's the tension? The last line is it. Dawnall nailed it in her comment. Is this where the story really begins? There should be an event, some mini-explosion that bites into the reader. I struggle with this myself (a lot).<br /><br />As a fellow nerd, I'd keep reading to figure out this pine cone mystery. :)<br /><br />Marie, http://marierearden.blogspot.comMarie Reardenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13653459061863869033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456437391827943059.post-9574924828440089472011-03-07T20:10:47.567-07:002011-03-07T20:10:47.567-07:00So, the character works in all ways but it isn'...So, the character works in all ways but it isn't "catching" the reader. It's possible you're starting the story in the wrong place. Open in the middle of action in the story so that young reader - Debra's grandson - is unable to lose interest. What can you do to your MC in this first scene to up the ante?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456437391827943059.post-8286125297935673802011-03-07T20:01:06.195-07:002011-03-07T20:01:06.195-07:00The first line doesn't really fit with the res...The first line doesn't really fit with the rest of the piece to me. It didn't catch me. Agents and Editors I've talk to have warned me not to put a first sentence that seems to go for shock value, then go against it in the very next line. So watch out for that.<br /><br />I loved Pete. He is a nerd after my own heart, and his sister has great snarky voice. I would keep reading to see where this leads.Melissa Deanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10677077308421607728noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456437391827943059.post-82514310575717697892011-03-07T17:28:56.239-07:002011-03-07T17:28:56.239-07:00Stopping by from CMIUC. Although I like the story ...Stopping by from CMIUC. Although I like the story idea. I read it to my grandson and he lost interest. I think you do need more action and a great opening line. Why would Peter die?Debra Gray-Elliotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13836657468924341727noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456437391827943059.post-48452222988290095952011-03-07T17:05:02.986-07:002011-03-07T17:05:02.986-07:00Unfortunately, I agree with Teralynn. You didn'...Unfortunately, I agree with Teralynn. You didn't "catch" me.<br /><br />The first line is interesting--though a little too clipped and brief for my taste. If the real conflict stakes had been him possibly dying, it would've kept my interest. But then in the very next sentence, you say that's not the reality of the situation, which is the main thing that drew me in with the first line. <br /><br />Also, the next paragraph is all telling, no showing. You lost me after that point, because though Pete's narrative voice is cute, there was no tension or immediacy making me want to read on.<br /><br />Though the voice is cute, and good for middle grade. Hope my critique is useful.<br /><br />-Kaitlyn<br /><a href="http://nocturnalreadings.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">Nocturnal Readings</a>Kait Ballengerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13231388956866982195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456437391827943059.post-44883515057028371932011-03-07T16:14:06.216-07:002011-03-07T16:14:06.216-07:00Nerds as protags are seriously under represented a...Nerds as protags are seriously under represented and so far I like Pete, even if his sister is a typical self-centered pain in the butt.<br /><br />I like the way everything ties in together: he's a botanist & his name is Oaks, he thinks his life stinks, and goes to school at a place named Sulfur Springs.<br /><br />Good work!Kate Larkindalehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06202347563426692610noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456437391827943059.post-34954774434461496992011-03-07T15:38:36.372-07:002011-03-07T15:38:36.372-07:00I liked it, but it didn't feel like the beginn...I liked it, but it didn't feel like the beginning of a story: it felt like the middle. It didn't draw me in. I didn't feel "caught."Teralyn Rose Pilgrimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04586129403789427592noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456437391827943059.post-41587881936316374852011-03-07T14:15:45.519-07:002011-03-07T14:15:45.519-07:00I like a well written nerd, and the character come...I like a well written nerd, and the character comes through well. I'm not quite so sure about the single line paragraph at the start, simply because that has been overused to such an extent elsewhere that it has lost a lot of impact.stuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16388674850920848503noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4456437391827943059.post-83085988526210745942011-03-07T12:47:12.416-07:002011-03-07T12:47:12.416-07:00I'm a bug nerd, so I love your budding botanis...I'm a bug nerd, so I love your budding botanist. <br />Great MG voice. Great set-up. <br />LOVE this premise. Tree Boy, last name Oaks. I dig it! I am all about smart kids who like science/nature.KatOwens: Insect Collectorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12228171304170449979noreply@blogger.com